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Forget the rain forests; this is localized American laziness in it’s raw form. I am talking about the amount of energy I spend just hauling bags full of trash (and ughm ..recycling) down four flights of stairs. At six pieces of junk mail per day, I probably fill up at least one large garbage bag of useless advertisements per month.

So I readied myself at my computer (paper free) and asked it how to get rid of the most annoying type of paper . Dear Google, How does one get rid of the mailbox baggage?

As it turns out living without junk mail is not instantaneous. Even if you sign up with the proper authorities it takes 3-6 months for the garbage to quit coming. It’s like rehabilitation for your mailbox, so let’s check ourselves into I Live In A PreWar Apartment Building and My Mailbox Isn’t Big Enough to House All Of This Extra Crap Rehabilitation Center.

Photo Courtesy of Mary @ Flick

The DMA: The Direct Marketing Association or the Damn Mail Auctioneers manage your address with 80% of the companies that are sending you advertising. Registering to stop the junk at their website is free and keeps their mail away for 5 years (after that you need to remind them that you still don’t want their litter in your mail box). WARNING: they make you register an email address, so plan to provide them with a separate one. Otherwise, you risk being bombarded with SPAM. I highly recommend BurnDMA@gmail.com or WeAbhorYourWorthlessMail@gmail.com both of which are currently available.

Unfortunately, the DMA doesn’t control all of the mail so you are going to have to contact a few more people. In fact, to get rid of any or all credit card advertisements you need to contact:

Opt Out: Did you sign up for your free credit report this year? Well you probably, unbeknownst to you, also signed yourself up to be pre-screened for credit cards. I can see your gears turning as you picture all of those “Your Approved” ads that came in the mail this week. Aren’t you ashamed? Don’t be. It only takes a phone call to remedy these endless offers. Call 1-888-5-OPT-OUT or go to www.optoutprescreen.com. Beware, they are going to request your SS#, but hey, on the bright side you already gave it to them when you requested your credit report. Go Safety!

USPS: If you continue to get junk mail, make a list of the companies that are sending it to you. This may be a big step for you, but fill out this form 1500 from the USPS. It allows you to deem any mail that you receive as being sexually explicit. You don’t have to have a Victoria’s Secret catalog in hand to deem it inappropriate. The USPS will make sure any company you deem (sexually) inappropriate stops sending you mail, no questions asked.

Current Resident Pieces: If the majority of your mail is addressed To Current Resident then you will need to contact the company directly to remove your address from their list. This can be done in most cases by calling their customer service line.

HOW TO REUSE YOUR JUNK MAIL

So you’ve done it. Hopefully within 3-6 months you will be pretty much junk free. Until then, use this tutorial to make some really cute inverted envelopes from those ever present response envelopes.

1.) Take existing junk mail return envelopes and open them up to expose what is usually a patterned interior. To get the envelope open, find the seams and either huff on them (like you are trying to fog a window) or tack them up over your pasta pot while you are cooking dinner. Then gently pull apart the seams trying not to tear any edges.

2.) Invert the paper and put it back together with a bit of tape or glue. ( I enjoy the way the tape looks).

3.) That’s It. Write a letter and mail it off (DayQuil not included).